A question I am asked quite often is “When do you know it’s the right time to break up?” or “At what point is it safe to assume that our relationship isn’t going anywhere?”
How do we make a decision like this? Never lightly, because people are not things or commodities. They’re souls and hearts. When we are deeply wounded and triggered and can’t feel our own sadness underneath, we operate quite often on the anger above it. We judge, place blame, justify, and stonewall.
If we are willing to do the work, we realize that the other person is just a trigger. They are a gift and an uncomfortable package to bring us back inside to do our inner work where our heart is wounded. To the inside where our “little me” has been shoved away into some back corner of our hearts. You need to develop self-forgiveness, self-worth, and communion with yourself. So from a place of discernment, emotional triggers are healed. You can stand with your heart open and grounded then communicate your feelings and your needs in a way that is not making the other defensive.
So, are you doing the right thing? I don’t know, my love. Did you do your work? Are you both engaged in the work? Did you go to counseling? Have you done anything about it or did things finally just blow up? I am not sure, so that will be a question for you to ask yourself. Moving forward, how do you know when it is time to complete a relationship?
It really requires both people being willing to take full responsibility for their own lives and responsibility for their own growth. Sometimes they forget that and they blame the other person. Remember we’re not looking for perfection here. We’re just looking for a commitment to growth. If you’ve got two people who can generally work through everything, you can come to a place where you’re thankful for all that you’ve learned. You are able to say, “I bless you and I release you.” This allows you to avoid all of the unnecessary drama. It’ll come from a raw, vulnerable place of kindness. You’ll know it’s time to move on because you’ll be able to have those deep, honest, authentic, intimate conversations.
Another way you know it’s time to move on is if they are not willing to do the work. They do blame and justify all the time. They won’t go to counseling. They blamed you as the problem all the time. You’ve tried everything. You’ve done everything from a place of non-judgment and non-blame. You did your own work, so there are no regrets. Then yes, it would be time to move on.